I've avoided posting on this topic for awhile now as I have enough stress going on that it's been hard to sit and actually think about this enough to actually post my coherent thoughts.
Almost anyone involved in Vietnam adoptions know about the issues going on over there right now. The accusations of ethical violations, fraud, etc. Let me say now that this post is not meant to place blame or bash any specific adoption agency. And I would appreciate any comments related to specific agencies or accusations to be left off.
So there has been an official announcement that US adoptions with Vietnam will end as of September 1, 2008. All dossiers must be submitted by July 1, 2008, and as of September 1, only those families who have received a referral will be allowed to continue with their adoptions. For those of you who wish to read the specifics released by the US Embassy:
Announcement
Detailed Summary
I will say that the Vietnam's DIA (Department of International Adoptions) have denied these accusations. People say that the US is just bullying Vietnam.
To be honest, I don't know what to believe. I admit that I'm not the most unbiased person to talk to on the matter. I'm big on not believing everything that you hear. When I first got back from Vietnam, I was constantly having to defend my adoption and correct accusations that were being made about MY adoption experience. I would read things that people posted, and when I tried to correct them, i was being called a liar. What!?!?! I was the one there going through the situation!
I guess my point is that I wish people would only say/write about things that the KNOW to be true. That way information could be more reliable. It's scary how much people take things that other people say to be fact.
I urge everyone involved to read the two articles above from the US embassy. You don't have to believe everything that is contained in the reports, but make yourselves aware. Do your research. Come to your own conclusion.
No matter what side you fall on, it seems perfectly clear that there ARE problems.
But I guess my reasoning in posting isn't really to debate the issue of corruption and fraud.
How is this going to effect our babies? How is this going to effect Chloe's life??? I think that any responsible adoptive parent needs to consider this question. In my heart, I know that this will more than likely come up. Chloe, at some point, will be curious about where she came from. And it would be very irresponsible of me to believe that I can hide this information from her, nor would I want to.
In my heart, I really want to believe that Chloe's background was honestly given to us. That her birthmother willingly gave her up because she couldn't raise her. By her own choice, not based on promises that she would get her child back at some point, not because she couldn't pay a hospital bill, not because she was promised that she could visit her child whenever she wanted.
But in reality, there is no guarentee. So what do you do? I don't know what the answer to that is at this point.
All I can do is be honest with her. But it breaks my heart that she will have to deal with these things as she gets older. It really upsets me when people act like it won't matter--that all that matters is that she knows she is loved now. Because you know what? Chloe and all of these children have suffered a loss. And it's a loss that they are going to grieve for at some point, in some way. And it's something that none of us are really going to be able to comprehend because we've never had to experience it. And on top of this, they are going to have to deal with the accusations of widespread corruption and fraud.
I know Chloe is young now and its going to be a long while before we have to really deal with these things with her, I just think its important to start thinking about now. And I think that EVERY adoptive or future adoptive parent needs to also be thinking about how they will handle this. And I think that it will do a HUGE disservice to them to act like the problem doesn't exist. The problems are REAL. They do exist. The question might be to what extent.
No matter what you believe to be the truth though, the information is out there and its up to you how to explain it to your child.
I would also like to post the following websites:
Voices for Vietnam Adoption Integrity
Like I said, I urge everyone to do their research and not to take everything at face value. Understand the differences between fact and opinion. First hand accounts and rumors/speculation. And most of all, don't just cover your eyes and ears and pretend this doesn't exists. Think about these things and how they are going to impact your life.
4 comments:
I'm with you... I'm just not able to form coherent comments about all of it now, which is why I haven't blogged. This all goes even deeper for us--Jocelyn was just diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We had attributed it to her history in Vietnam but just assumed that she was very sensitive to what happened. But now, I wonder if her history was what we had been told, or if she experienced something else there that made things far more traumatic for her. I'm just confused right now, and sickened. I never wanted to be a part of international fraud...and it sickens me to know that even if Jocelyn had a legit adoption, there are babies who were not legitemately adopted...
Great post Angel! I love that you arent attacking anyone and that you are just pointing out the concerns we all should have. I sure hope it all gets figured out so Vietnam will be able to open adoptions with the US again.
My thoughts are with you and your family in this time...Chole is absolutely adorable and I hope that you can work through everything in your own mind! Thinking of you!
Clearly the accusations refer to several isolated cases. Certainly far less than 1% of all the adoptions which have taken place since Vietnam agreed to allow U.S. adoptions this time around.
As you know the same allegations were made about babies from Guatemala. They've been made about other countries, and unfortunately because of damaged, greedy people the situation will happen again somewhere else.
Kudos to you for being such a concerned and caring parent, Angel. With a Mom like you, Chloe can weather any and all storms that come up in her life.
I fully, wholeheartedly believe that Chloe's adoption was legitimate. If it wasn't, I believe you'd have been contacted and under investigation long ago.
Please keep in mind that families made through adoption are a lot like families made in other ways. Many, many families in our country today have to deal with difficult issues. There is no shortage of families coping with deeply personal, intimate challenges. Almost every family has its "skeletons in the closet". Healthy families deal with them and move past them. I think it's so important to remind ourselves and others of that. No family is immune from these kinds of things.
We must all hang on to the FACT that you and I and our friends would NEVER willingly participate in an illicit, illegal adoption. Our intentions were pure, loving, and altruistic. That has to mean a lot to our children.
Again, I'm forever impressed with you Angel. Chloe is a very lucky little girl to have a Mama as wonderful as you.
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