Lessons Learned...

Non Adoption:
Today was my first day at the new office. Being such, the firm provided breakfast and lunch. I had a mug of coffee on my way into work. Once there, we were told that there were doughnuts. So I go in the break room and there are yeast and chocolate glazed. I should have known better, but I went ahead and got a chocolate glazed. I little while later me and some others make our way to the break room again because we are bored (computers weren't working). THERE ARE DOZENS MORE DOUGHNUTS! They had my most favorite ever: chocolate glazed with custard in the middle. This time I should have REALLY known better, but I'm like, "I have to have one!" Mind you, I can't remember the last time I've even had a doughnut. After eating it, I did not feel good at all. Then I am sitting at my desk while someone had remotely accessed my computer trying to fix it. I get kind of dizzy watching all the random movement around my screen, so I try to distract myself. I accomplish this by spinning around in my chair. What was so amazing about it was that I was spinning SO SLOWLY, yet still made it around like 10 times! It's 5:00 now and I STILL feel sick!!!! Guess I'll know better next time~

Adoption related:

I had a major freak out moment today.

We have all these documents that we have to gather as part of our dossier. They have to be filled out EXACTLY that way that it explains or they will be rejected. Most of you can remember the drama we went through with our medical forms. Well each form has to be notarized. After they are notarized, we have to take them to the secretary of state to have the state seal affixed to them. THEN we have to send them to the Vietamese Consulate to be authenticated (at $50/document). Basically, you get to the point where you are guarding these documents with your life!

Most people who I have talked to say they've been able to get the forms authenticated by the Vietnamese government in less than a week.

I mailed a batch of my documents along with a certified check for $350 on October 16th. Now they stress to you to include a postage paid return envelope and to send it in a way that you can track it. So I get to the post office and I am told that I can't get tracking both ways, only the way there. She tells me that I am better off just sending first class mail instead of priority because I can't send a postage paid priority for some reason. (I think she was wrong) But anyway, to make a long story short, I ended up sending it regular mail with no tracking or delivery confirmation.

As I am at the post office writing the address in, I realize that I wrote one suite number (340) on the mailing envelope and a different one (430) on the return envelope. I wasn't absolutely sure which was right, and I had left my cell phone in my car, so I got a little nervous there. Then I start thinking that I remember thinking as I was writing the address down earlier in the day that it was interesting that the suite number is the opposite of what my work suite number was (340), so that point I was FAIRLY certain that 430 was right, and so that was what I used. After leaving the post office, I confirmed with Mark, and I was indeed correct.

So as each day passes and I still don't have the documents back, I am getting REALLY nervous. And I start kicking myself for not doing the tracking or delivery confirmation. And then I start worrying that maybe I screwed up the addresses, because at the same time I wrote down the address for the Vietnamese Consulate, as well as the Vietnamese Embassy, as you can send your documents to either place. (One is in San Francisco while the other is in Washington DC).

So while at work today I called my bank to see whether they could tell me whether the certified check had cleared yet. After going around and around with different people, they finally put someone on that knew how to check. She tells me that the check has NOT cleared yet.

So at this point I am really freaking out and kicking myself, as I will have to redo the documents as well as resubmit the fee. And all this could have been somewhat prevented if I had gotten delivery confirmation...

However, to my utter amazement, I get home today, check the mail, and there is the enevelope with my authenticated documents!!! So I guess all's well that ends well.

Although on our last batch, we will definitely send them fed ex or UPS...

Weekend Update

Not much to report on the adoption front for over the weekend.

• On Saturday Mark and I tore up the carpet in the bedroom that will be the baby's room. We got all the staples, nails, and tack strips up. So now we just need to get it sanded and then maybe stained/polyurastained.
• Also, I went out and got the armoire that matched the crib that we got. (That way Mark won't have to give up his closet... :) ) I think that he may work on getting it put together tomorrow.

Non Adoption/Baby related:

• I think that we have decided to go ahead and have central air and heating installed. We tried to get an estimate from Dial One Hoosier, but he didn't want to give me an estimate without Mark being present, so his loss. But the guy who we decided to go with came very highly recommended and he wasn't a jerk.
• I start my "new" job tomorrow. It's not a really a new job, but it's at a new location. As most of you know, we merged with another CPA firm. So now I get the added bonus of having to drive all the way up to 96th and Meridian---and put up with the traffic that goes along with it...

Well, that's it for tonight. Hope everyone had a good weekend and I will talk to you soon!!!

Results...

Feel free to correct me if I am wrong, but here is a list of people who are checking out the blog on a regular basis: My mom, John, Aunt Jan, Kris, and Anonymous (although I believe anonymous has to be told... :) )

Because I don't want to deprive the people who are taking the time to read and comment, I will keep going. However, I may refuse to discuss anything related to the adoption that has been posted on this site with anyone who has access but doesn't visit. ;)

Had a Bad Day...

I was sitting here trying to come up with a title for this post, but the only thing that kept popping into my head was that song...so that's what the title is going to be.

We received our final homestudy in the mail yesterday. One copy of it has to go to US CIS (immigration services) so that our I600A can be processed. Once they receive the homestudy they will issue us an appointment to come get fingerprinted. Once they process our prints, they will send us our I171H which is the last form that we need, then our dossier will be complete. So fast forward to today.

I got this crazy idea that it would be quicker if I dropped the homestudy by CIS instead of mailing it, since I work downtown anyway and the Federal Building is only a few blocks away. So at about 8:45 this morning I decide to head over there.

First off, let me mention that a "few blocks" is really .7 miles. And it's cold and rainy out. (However, I did think to borrow someone's umbrella...)

So after what seemed like forever since I was being bombarded with freezing rain, I finally reached the Federal Building. I stand in line and go through security, metal detectors, etc, and then ask the police officer where the CIS office is. He looks at me like I am crazy!!! So I mention something about immigration and he goes, "you mean INS!" Well, no, I didn't mean INS, I meant CIS, but I went with this. (INS actually changed it's name last year to CIS)

He goes on to tell me that I have the wrong building (WHAT!?!) and that actually I want to go to some gold building and he proceeds to give me directions. Now I have to decide whether to give up and go back, or keep going, hoping I can remember the directions the guy gave me. (Most of you know how bad my sense of directions is :) ) I decide that since I've already come this far, I might as well keep going. So I head out again.

Another .7 miles it turns out, so basically I ended up walking 1.5 miles. One way. So I walk in the building, hand in the homestudy, and then am done. So then I have to walk back. That means I actually ended up having to walk about 3 miles in the freezing rain. And of course I am having to walk through puddles so my socks and the bottom of my pants are soaking wet. And they stay like this though out the day. All this before 9:30am!

Now contrary to my post title, it really wasn't all that bad. Actually it was quite an adventure and it left me with a good story to tell.

On another non-adoption note, I got home today and really wanted to make this certain thing for dinner which I am not going to name right now. I meant to stop by the grocery store on my way home from work to pick up the stuff that I needed, but I forgot all about it. And I came home and took a bath. Later as I am sitting at my desk, I realize that I didn't stop by the store. So in my mind I debated going to the store. I really wanted to, but I didn't want to go out again. Finally I gave in and went and got everything I needed. The main thing though was that I got some onion hamburger buns.

So I come home, set the bags on the kitchen floor, and put everything that I am not going to be using away. Then I proceed to do the dishes. I am almost done with the dishes when I get sidetracked and go upstairs for a few minutes. When I come back downstairs, I start to go into the kitchen, but something in the living room catches my eye. Upon further inspection, it's a torn up clear plastic bag. But not any torn up clear plastic bag, it's a clear torn up plastic bag that used to contain onion hamburger buns. RRRAAAJJJAAAHHH!!!!!!

So my dinner plans ended up ruined, but I'm sure they tasted good in Rajah's tummy....

The Moment of Truth...

So I started this blog because I thought it would be a fun way to keep everyone up to date on what's going on with the adoption process.

I will admit that I haven't posted as much as I would have liked to so far, but here is why: It takes a lot of time to try and explain everything that is going on because the process can be very tedious at times. But when I do post, it seems that there is only one person who really does any commenting. Because I can't see who views the blog without posting, I can only assume that the one person is the only one who actually reads this. However, posting becomes pointless because I usually have daily contact with this person so it would be just as easy, if not easier, to just tell her in person. Now, I don't mind posting, I enjoy it actually, but I don't want to waste my time.

So, the moral of the story is that unless I get some participation, I am going to abandon fort and you all will have to get your news the old fashioned way, (if I remember).

Love you all!

(At the time of posting, points go out to my mom, John, and Aunt Jan. I am undecided as to the amount of points needed to keep this alive. :) )

Baby Names!!!

So we are not completely set on what gender baby we will get. At first we thought boy, however, they are not as readily available as girls. After thinking about it, we decided that we are really open to either, and we will just go with whatever we get, kind of like being pregnant! :)

So we were considering baby names tonight. We focused on girl names because it seems that will be probably what we will get... (but who knows for sure :) )

So here is our top ten (or so) list, in no particular order (actually, they are in the order of 2005 popularity...) :

Olivia
Sophia
Alexis/Alexa
Alyssa
Chloe
Alexandra
Makenzie
McKenna
Sierra
Delaney
Ava


THOUGHTS??? What are your favorites????

Bumps....

As I think I have mentioned earlier, in gathering documents for our dossier there are explicit directions that have to be followed or your document might be rejected. Which leads me to:

MEDICAL FORM

This is a very simple form that has to be filled out by a doctor. And by very simple, let me explain...

The form looks like this:

******************************************
APPLICANT’S NAME:

DOB:

ADDRESS:

MEDICAL HISTORY

Have you ever had Tuberculosis? (Circle one) Yes/No If yes, please explain_____________

Tumor? (Circle one) Yes/No If yes, please explain____________________________________

Heart disease? (Circle one) Yes/No If yes, please explain_________________________

Liver disease? (Circle one) Yes/No If yes, please explain_________________________

Sexual disease? (Circle one) Yes/No If yes, please explain_______________________________
Neuropathy? (Circle one) Yes/No If yes, please explain_______________________________

Mental disease? (Circle one) Yes/No If yes, please explain______________________________

Other Communicable disease? (Circle one) Yes/No If yes, please explain___________________

Alcoholism or substance abuse? (Circle one) Yes/No If yes, please explain___________________

Any genetic disease? (Circle one) Yes/No If yes, please explain_________________________

Any surgical operations? (Circle one) Yes/No If yes, please explain_________________________

PHYSICAL EXAMINATION
Height:_________m Weight____________kg

Blood pressure:_________________________

Vision: L______ R______
Hearing: (Circle one) L: Normal/Not Normal (please explain)______________________________
R: Normal/Not Normal (please explain)______________________________

Heart: (Circle one) Normal/Not Normal (please explain)_________________________________
Liver: (Circle one) Normal/Not Normal (please explain)_________________________________

Lungs: (Circle one) Normal/Not Normal (please explain)_________________________________

Lymphatic system: (Circle one) Normal/Not Normal (please explain)_______________________

Thyroid: (Circle one) Normal/Not Normal (please explain)_______________________________

Nervous system: (Circle One) Normal/Not Normal (please explain)________________________

BLOOD TESTS (Date of Test): _________
Routine Blood Test: (Circle one) Normal/Not Normal (please explain)________________________
HbsAg: (Circle one) Negative/Positive (please explain)___________________________________
Liver Function: (Circle one) Normal/Not Normal (please explain)____________________________

Is the patient taking any medication? If yes, for what purpose? (Circle one) No/Yes (please explain)_______________________________________________________________________

PHYSICAL TEST RESULT: (Doctor must answer the two questions and sign)

Is there any physical, mental, or psychological unfavorable elements of the adoption applicant, which will affect the upbringing of the child? (Circle one) Yes NoIs the adoption applicant’s state of health suitable for raising a child? (Circle One) Yes No

Physician’s name: (please print clearly)

Signed:

M.D. License No.:

Date:

*************************************
These instructions accompany the form:

TO EXAMINING PHYSICIAN: Please copy both pages on Dr.’s Letterhead
Your medical report is of paramount importance to the Vietnamese Adoption Authorities in its examination of the qualification of the adopting parent(s). You are kindly requested to fill in all the blanks. Please legibly type all information. Thank you for your cooperation. DO NOT INCLUDE THIS PREVIOUS PARAGRAPH OR “EXHIBIT 2” ON THE ORIGINAL MEDCIAL CERTIFICATE.
***************************************

So I go to the Doctor and have this physical completed on August 11th. By last week, I still don't have the form. Same thing with Mark. Mark did get a phone call saying that he needed to call and make ANOTHER appointment to get the form filled out.

So I call up there and explain that the reason we made the orginal appointment was to have the forms filled out. And someone in their office was supposed to type the information in the form. They put me through to a lady who proceeds to tell me that "she just doesn't know what she's supposed to type. " I explain that she simply needs to make sure the "no"s are circled, and anything that needs written in should be typed. Pretty simple, right? Apparently not. I offer to have the form filled out completely in Microsoft Word and email it to her so that all she has to do is print it out and sign it. Well, they don't have any email access. WHAT KIND OF DOCTOR'S OFFICE DOESN'T HAVE ACCESS TO EMAIL? Apparently ours.

After an hour conversation, this exchange occurs: (about 10am)

Me: So can you tell me when I will be able to pick up these forms?
DR Office: Well, we have wall to wall people today...
Me: You've had these forms for over a month..
DR Office: I can try to get to them.
Me: I would like to pick them up sometime today.
DR Office: I guess I'll get to them. I'll have to do it on my lunch break (said all sarcastic-like)
Me: OK, see you at 3pm.

Fast forward to about 2:30 when Mark arrives to pick up the forms:

Mark: My wife sent me to pick up these forms....
Them: (they haven't even started them) I didn't understand what she said she wanted....

Now you guys see that form. It's not hard. My comment was: Put it on letter head. Circle the answers. Type anything that needs to be written in. How hard is that!?!?!

So after waiting an hour, they finally get the forms done and hand them to Mark. I am on the phone with Mark at this point. Then Mark says, "They wrote Angela on your form." (This is a whole different issue because I have had this conversation with the Dr's office on MANY, MANY occasions that my name is NOT Angela.) I tell Mark that these are official documents that must be notarized, authenticated, etc. They will have to fix them. (Mark is very exasperated at this point) So I hear Mark say: Her name is Angel, not Angela. Their response? "Can we just put Angel in parenthesis?" I tell Mark to tell them no, that they need to redo the form. Finally after two hours, Mark gets out of there. Man!!!

So I get home to look at these forms. The first thing that I see? The forms are all crumpled up. The second? NOT ON LETTER HEAD! One would think a doctors office would know how to fill these types of forms out.

So I give Mark the news that he will have to go up there again. But this time I fill the form out in Microsoft Word. EVERYTHING. Type everything that needs put in. (Meds, etc) The only things that need done are:

• Photocopy onto letterhead
• Circle answers
• The doctor needs to sign the form

So Mark goes in there. Apparently the doctor isn't in this day. So he calls me and asks, "They want to know if they can just use a stamp to sign his name". I guess thye didn't pay any attention to the bottom where we have to notarize the form saying that the doctor actually filled out and signed the form. So Mark has to again make another trip back there.

So I get another look at the final documents. Well, the doctor did not fill out any of the form, simply signed it. This doesn't bother me, as I just go in and circle all the answers. This "letterhead" is the most crappy letterhead I've ever seen. After talking to Mark, instead of using letterhead, they simply cut the top of a prescription form out, taped it to the top of the form, and made a copy!!! Well, hopefully this works, because I don't know what I would do if I had to go back there....

Keep in mind there is no way I can do this story complete justice without talking about it in person....

Why International Adoption

I know a lot of people are interested in why we chose international adoption. Many people have asked, while I'm sure some people think it but don't want to ask.

For us, the choice was simple. That doesn't mean that a lot of thought and careful consideration didn't go into the decision, because it did, but in the end the decision was easy.

Many people are somewhat surprised that fertility was never an issue in the decision. Many people turn to adoption when they are unable to, for whatever reason, conceive a child biologically. That had nothing to do with our decision.

Many things led us to consider adoption in general. One being that adoption has played a big role in my life in many different ways.

• I had friends who were adopted.
• I babysat through college for a family that had adopted two children. The mother also worked in adoption.
• My brothers and I were never legally adopted, but we may as well have been. John raised us as his own when he had no obligation. He provided us with a life better than we would have had otherwise.

Another thing, which I will add played a way lesser role, is that I was never crazy about the idea of being pregnant. I know that the end result is priceless, but...

I will admit that when I brought up the idea to Mark, he wasn't completely sold on the idea. He wasn't against it either. I think it was just something that he had never really considered. At first he thought maybe we could have a biological child, as well as international child.

After a lot of consideration we asked ourselves a few key questions:

• Could we love an adopted child the same as a biological child? This was a very important question to be able to honestly answer. In the end, the answer was yes.
• Would we make a distinction between an adopted child and a biological child? The answer was no. Once you have a child placed in your arms, and that child becomes YOUR responsibility, it doesn't matter whether you conceived this child or not. At least to us it doesn't.

In the end, we decided that it didn't matter how we chose to expand our family, it would our family just the same. I cannot say that we will never have a biological child. If that happens, it happens. It's just not the path that we feel we are being pulled towards right now.

Soooo......

INTERNATIONAL VS DOMESTIC ADOPTION

This was never much of an issue to us. White, healthy, newborn infants are in the highest demand in the US. It can take years to find a match. We chose not to purse this, because:

1. The color of the skin is not important to us. There will not be a shortage in homes for these children.
2. Many people turn to adoption for reasons such as infertility. Many of these people want babies who are biologically similar to themselves for whatever reason, which is not a terrible thing. Many people choosing adoption need/want a child who is ethnically close to them. No matter what the reason, being that it didn't matter to us, we did not want to stand in the way of people who this type of thing mattered to.

By choosing international adoption, we are providing a loving home to a child who without us would grow up in an institution and never know what it's like to have a family. We are making a big difference in the life of this child, but in the end, this child will make a bigger impact in our lives!

We are not so naive as to think that there won't be difficulties ahead for us because of this decision, but we definitely think that all the benefits and rewards far outweigh any risks. And we are prepared to love this child as our own no matter what. Hopefully, all of you will feel the same.

Love,

Angel and Mark

***Stay Tuned for the Next Topic:

There are many special difficulties that come from raising a child of a different ethnic background. My next post will touch on some of these issues and also touch on how to hope to deal with them.

Status

OK...Here's my attempt to get everyone up to speed as to where we are at in the process

In order to go adopt any child, be it international, domestic, family member, etc., you have to go through a homestudy. A lot of people are intimidated by this, but it's a fairly easy process, just very time consuming. As long as you are not a murderer or anything, usually you'll be fine. But a homestudy is basically a report of your whole life history and your ability to raise a child. You have to write a very in depth autobiography, get fingerprinted, criminal background check, medical physical, give details about every financial detail in your life, employment verification, etc. We are just about done with this process. In fact, our social worker is coming out to our house tomorrow to pick up the remaining paperwork that she needs and then she'll type up the report. Hopefully we'll have it by the end up the month.

The next step is getting your dossier together. This basically is a bunch of documents that you have to gather. It includes your homestudy, medical physicals, employment verification forms, marriage license, passport, etc. This is not hard either, just time consuming. These forms have to be made into official documents and it is a rather elaborate process.

• First, all forms have to be notarized.
• Then I have to take them by the secretary of states office to have the state seal applied to them. (Indiana is very nice and does this for free:) )
• Next I have to send them off to the Vietnamese consulate to have the forms authenticated. This is a very easy process as well, however it is VERY expensive. It costs $50/document, and with 10 documents, the cost adds up!

(We are probably half way though this. We are at a point where we just have to kind of wait. We need our passports in order to finish our documents, as well as a final version of our homestudy. Hopefully this gets done pretty quickly, as we need to send it in to Immigration services in order to get fingerprinted for them. Then they send us the last form that we need. Hopefully this gets done pretty quickly.)

Once this is done, we send the dossier off to our adoption agency and they review it to make sure everything is right. Then they send it off to Vietnam to be translated. Then we wait!

Once our dossier is submitted, there will probably be a wait time of 6-9 months for a referral.

Anyway, that is basically where we are at now. Feel free to ask any questions that you may have.

And be on the look out for our next post. I know a lot have people have asked this, and I'm sure a lot of people have thought about it and maybe don't want to ask, but in the next post, I will address how we came to our decision to pursue international adoption.